We’ve had the bot live for a few weeks now, and we are starting to get some feedback from users, and some automated summaries of the types of questions guys have.
Today we’re going to address some of the most common situations that are being submitted to the bot.
If a girl likes you, she will respond. If she doesn’t respond, it’s possible she doesn’t like you, or maybe her life is a mess. Many men and women have messy lives and are bad at texting.
Don’t be too eager and get shot down – ask her out after she’s responded a few times.
Why should you do 2-3 messages back and forth? She needs to convince YOU that she’s interested. If she doesn’t care enough to respond a few times, do you think she will commit to a date and actually show up?
From her perspective, you just have to be normal/not boring for 2-3 messages. It’s not a high bar, but many men are boring or weird about it or both.
It is not productive to ask out a girl who isn’t responding; if she likes you, she will respond a few times before you ask her out. Girls will wait a few messages too, even if they really want you to ask them out, they might even enjoy the build up. Don’t rob her of that experience. Courting, texting, dating is supposed to be fun!
Regarding timing, when you ask a girl on a date, you want to ask her when her phone is in her hand and she is likely to respond. Send statements to make her laugh, ask her questions, and then if she is responding positively, go ahead and ask her out. If she is not responding positively to a message, change the topic, or wait a few days and try a different topic when she is in a different mood, then after 2-3 back and forth messages, ask her out on a date.
Sometimes when trying to do 2-3 back and forth messages, she will not respond to the second message, and the date was going to be suggested in the 3rd message.
So the first time I wait for the 3rd response and the second time (after restarting the conversation) I ask out on the second message of the back and forth.
Maybe it’s a longer combined message with a date request, but that’s OK, if a girl will drop off like that after 2 messages, you may want to shoot your shot sooner.
- One pattern that has come up with our users is a girl they haven’t spoken to in months or years.
You can do this, restart with something interesting in your life.
Don’t resume the conversation from 6 months ago. It’s ancient history. Be aware she might have moved on, and may have a new man in her life, her phone number may have changed, she may have moved to a different place, or she could be lonely and thinking about you. The only way to know is to reach out and shoot your shot. Send a few messages back and forth, find out if she lives nearby still and ask her out.
It’s important to keep a conversation warm. If you have a girl agree to a date for Saturday, but today is Tuesday, it’s a good idea to text her a few times – maybe every other day or so, until your date. The day of the date, you can send a confirmation – “Beautiful day. See you at 7” so she can confirm or let you know if anything has changed.
If a girl sends you a response, it can be good to respond in a few minutes (waiting a few minutes in case she sends more messages) or a few hours if you’re busy, or maybe the next day if it is late at night.
Give her 2 days, (48 hours), to respond to a message. There is no need for you to wait days to respond according to some rule you saw in a Hollywood movie. Bad or antiquated Hollywood movies used to say wait a few days to call, but that was before cell phones and we had 24/7 messaging. The phone is almost always in her hand, she knows it’s in yours, so 48 hours max. If she tells you she is busy or is having a crazy week, then you can wait a few days to a week before re-engaging and trying to ask her out.
2. Another common scenario encountered by our users: what if she only responds with a like, or an emoji (like a heart). Or what if she doesn’t respond and leaves you on read? Or what if she leaves your message unread (but maybe reads it in a notification).
These are trickier to manage. You don’t want to blow up her phone, fishing for a response, so what do you do?
Most likely, she’s trying to be positive and appreciates the attention, but probably is bored with you or doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or be rude. Common with nice girls.
Be honest with yourself, did you send something boring? If so, stop doing that. She will let you be boring and sometimes even steer you there and then blame you for it. It’s your fault, don’t be boring! Send something more interesting from your life or ask her a question about herself. As we said previously, the goal is to engage her in conversation for 2-3 rounds and then ask her out. If you can’t make that happen, she’s just not that into you. Try to restart the conversation a few times, but after 3 tries (3 strikes and you’re out, 4 balls if you want to give her one extra chance, but use your judgement) you should probably call it quits. It’s frustrating and it happens to everyone. Congratulations – you’re normal!
3. Another common situation: You ask her out. She goes quiet or ignores it and talks about something else.
Sometimes girls are afraid to reject you. Some guys take it personally and react poorly – saying insulting things to her because they feel hurt by her rejection. Don’t get butthurt – it is extremely unattractive and will ruin any chance you might ever have with her in the future. Sometimes girls don’t respond to date requests because they don’t know their schedule, so give her a day or two. If she apologizes for her late response, that’s usually a good thing. Sometimes they don’t respond to date requests because the answer is no, and they have had guys call them names before and they suspect you might be one of those guys and don’t want the emotional headache. And sometimes it can be that she’s not sure about you yet. In which case the conversation must go on, you restart it with a different conversation thread and after 2-3 back and forth messages, you ask her out, AGAIN. Now if you try this 3 times, it might take 1-2 weeks to ask her out 3 times. If she doesn’t come out after a few weeks and asking her out 3 times, there’s a great movie you should watch called “(S)Hes’ just not that into you” and you should move on and give it a rest. Maybe try again in a few months if they reach out to you or you bump into them again socially.
If she doesn’t like you right now, she might like you later, and regardless, there are other fish in the sea. Go talk to more girls.
4. The final common situation is maybe the most delicate. Sometimes guys want to direct the conversation to be more sensual.
This is really hard to do successfully over messaging. Sometimes a girl will lead the conversation to be more sensual, and that can either be an opportunity or a trap to try and get you to be overly eager. A cool guy would be patient and could engage with her on sensual topics to show he is comfortable with it, but might steer the conversation away from it and avoid appearing overly excited about the topic. Don’t send nudes or ask for them. You don’t need to do that to get someone out on a date, you can just ask them out after 2-3 rounds of messages. Then you have to take her out on a date. Then on the date you should compliment her and let her know why you like her – things like her style, her personality, her values, her body, and allow her to become comfortable with you and your physical presence. This may take several dates and she can disappear at any time, but when two people like each other, kissing has been known to happen, and (like the birds and the bees) when a man and a woman love each other, and they spend some time together, a baby sometimes appears.