4 Common Texting Situations

We’ve had the bot live for a few weeks now, and we are starting to get some feedback from users, and some automated summaries of the types of questions guys have.

Today we’re going to address some of the most common situations that are being submitted to the bot.

If a girl likes you, she will respond. If she doesn’t respond, it’s possible she doesn’t like you, or maybe her life is a mess. Many men and women have messy lives and are bad at texting.

Don’t be too eager and get shot down – ask her out after she’s responded a few times.

Why should you do 2-3 messages back and forth? She needs to convince YOU that she’s interested. If she doesn’t care enough to respond a few times, do you think she will commit to a date and actually show up?

From her perspective, you just have to be normal/not boring for 2-3 messages. It’s not a high bar, but many men are boring or weird about it or both.

It is not productive to ask out a girl who isn’t responding; if she likes you, she will respond a few times before you ask her out. Girls will wait a few messages too, even if they really want you to ask them out, they might even enjoy the build up. Don’t rob her of that experience. Courting, texting, dating is supposed to be fun!

Regarding timing, when you ask a girl on a date, you want to ask her when her phone is in her hand and she is likely to respond. Send statements to make her laugh, ask her questions, and then if she is responding positively, go ahead and ask her out. If she is not responding positively to a message, change the topic, or wait a few days and try a different topic when she is in a different mood, then after 2-3 back and forth messages, ask her out on a date.

Sometimes when trying to do 2-3 back and forth messages, she will not respond to the second message, and the date was going to be suggested in the 3rd message.

So the first time I wait for the 3rd response and the second time (after restarting the conversation) I ask out on the second message of the back and forth.

Maybe it’s a longer combined message with a date request, but that’s OK, if a girl will drop off like that after 2 messages, you may want to shoot your shot sooner.

  1. One pattern that has come up with our users is a girl they haven’t spoken to in months or years.

You can do this, restart with something interesting in your life. 

Don’t resume the conversation from 6 months ago. It’s ancient history. Be aware she might have moved on, and may have a new man in her life, her phone number may have changed, she may have moved to a different place, or she could be lonely and thinking about you. The only way to know is to reach out and shoot your shot. Send a few messages back and forth, find out if she lives nearby still and ask her out.

It’s important to keep a conversation warm. If you have a girl agree to a date for Saturday, but today is Tuesday, it’s a good idea to text her a few times – maybe every other day or so, until your date. The day of the date, you can send a confirmation – “Beautiful day. See you at 7” so she can confirm or let you know if anything has changed.

If a girl sends you a response, it can be good to respond in a few minutes (waiting a few minutes in case she sends more messages) or a few hours if you’re busy, or maybe the next day if it is late at night.

Give her 2 days, (48 hours), to respond to a message. There is no need for you to wait days to respond according to some rule you saw in a Hollywood movie. Bad or antiquated Hollywood movies used to say wait a few days to call, but that was before cell phones and we had 24/7 messaging. The phone is almost always in her hand, she knows it’s in yours, so 48 hours max. If she tells you she is busy or is having a crazy week, then you can wait a few days to a week before re-engaging and trying to ask her out.

2. Another common scenario encountered by our users: what if she only responds with a like, or an emoji (like a heart). Or what if she doesn’t respond and leaves you on read? Or what if she leaves your message unread (but maybe reads it in a notification).

These are trickier to manage. You don’t want to blow up her phone, fishing for a response, so what do you do?

Most likely, she’s trying to be positive and appreciates the attention, but probably is bored with you or doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or be rude. Common with nice girls. 

Be honest with yourself, did you send something boring? If so, stop doing that. She will let you be boring and sometimes even steer you there and then blame you for it. It’s your fault, don’t be boring! Send something more interesting from your life or ask her a question about herself. As we said previously, the goal is to engage her in conversation for 2-3 rounds and then ask her out. If you can’t make that happen, she’s just not that into you. Try to restart the conversation a few times, but after 3 tries (3 strikes and you’re out, 4 balls if you want to give her one extra chance, but use your judgement) you should probably call it quits. It’s frustrating and it happens to everyone. Congratulations – you’re normal!

3. Another common situation: You ask her out. She goes quiet or ignores it and talks about something else.

Sometimes girls are afraid to reject you. Some guys take it personally and react poorly – saying insulting things to her because they feel hurt by her rejection. Don’t get butthurt – it is extremely unattractive and will ruin any chance you might ever have with her in the future. Sometimes girls don’t respond to date requests because they don’t know their schedule, so give her a day or two. If she apologizes for her late response, that’s usually a good thing. Sometimes they don’t respond to date requests because the answer is no, and they have had guys call them names before and they suspect you might be one of those guys and don’t want the emotional headache. And sometimes it can be that she’s not sure about you yet. In which case the conversation must go on, you restart it with a different conversation thread and after 2-3 back and forth messages, you ask her out, AGAIN. Now if you try this 3 times, it might take 1-2 weeks to ask her out 3 times. If she doesn’t come out after a few weeks and asking her out 3 times, there’s a great movie you should watch called “(S)Hes’ just not that into you” and you should move on and give it a rest. Maybe try again in a few months if they reach out to you or you bump into them again socially.


If she doesn’t like you right now, she might like you later, and regardless, there are other fish in the sea. Go talk to more girls.

4. The final common situation is maybe the most delicate. Sometimes guys want to direct the conversation to be more sensual.

This is really hard to do successfully over messaging. Sometimes a girl will lead the conversation to be more sensual, and that can either be an opportunity or a trap to try and get you to be overly eager. A cool guy would be patient and could engage with her on sensual topics to show he is comfortable with it, but might steer the conversation away from it and avoid appearing overly excited about the topic. Don’t send nudes or ask for them. You don’t need to do that to get someone out on a date, you can just ask them out after 2-3 rounds of messages. Then you have to take her out on a date. Then on the date you should compliment her and let her know why you like her – things like her style, her personality, her values, her body, and allow her to become comfortable with you and your physical presence. This may take several dates and she can disappear at any time, but when two people like each other, kissing has been known to happen, and (like the birds and the bees) when a man and a woman love each other, and they spend some time together, a baby sometimes appears.


AI Telegram Bot Launch

Today we are excited to announce the launch of the AI Telegram Bot for Text the Girl.

So you’re excited about a girl. You want to text her, but you’re not sure what to say, or what to say next. It’s ok to ask for help. Guys sometimes need a little help, so we created this Telegram bot.

How it works:

  1. You submit a screenshot and provide any context as a caption.
  2. The bot processes the image and gives you multiple suggestions of what to say next, how to make her laugh and keep the conversation flowing, and how you might go about asking a girl on a date.
  3. You can try it for free, for up to 3 messages per week at the time of writing.

Note: You need the (free) Telegram App for your phone, tablet or computer to use it.

You’ll get help figuring out what to say next. The bot includes a welcome tutorial.

Click here to connect to the bot on Telegram: https://t.me/textthegirl_bot

Here is the QR code for the app:

Additionally, there is a feedback group on Telegram [REMOVED] so you can get support, provide feedback, or share ideas and tips with other users. [ January 2024: Feedback group was taken down because it was men seeking to chat with girls and getting angry when there were no girls in the chat. This is why we can’t have nice things ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ]

A Crash Course in Texting Etiquette

Everyone texts a little differently. Just as people judge you by how you speak or how you write, people will also judge you by how you text. There are rules of writing composition, and rules of texting composition. When texting with romance in mind, it is important to not try too hard (rather, you want it to come across as low effort, or almost effortless), your romantic intentions are best displayed as a sub-communication.

The goal is always to remind her that you are a cool, fun guy and then ask her out on a date.

Spelling and Grammar

Spelling and grammar are ruthless filters. Many girls have high standards for spelling and grammar and will lose interest if you use incorrect spelling or grammar. Even though these same girls may not use correct spelling or grammar themselves. It’s not fair, but life is not fair.

Sometimes you can strategically leave in typos – especially autocorrect or an obvious “j” instead of an “i” – sometimes it is funny, sometimes it can indicate you don’t care that much (and are Embracing the Informal Nature of Texting and the rule of do not try so hard), and it can even give someone something to respond to – either to correct you, to laugh, or seek clarification.

The inventor of autocorrect died today. May he restaurant in peace.

-A Dad Joke

Punctuation

  1. Don’t use a final period. It’s not needed, it is implied by the end of the text.
  2. LOL or “lol” is not punctuation, but some people treat it like it is – when included at the end of a statement (also applies to haha, j/k, laughing emoji, etc.) it subtly implies you are not confident. That is not attractive and doesn’t do you any favors. Cut it out!
  3. Emoji are best used sparingly. Emoji can lighten the mood – but they imply effort spent searching for the right emoji, and generally it is better to receive emoji than to give emoji. I like to receive emoji from girls, but I do not like to send it. Sometimes if I am making a joke I will include an emoji so the joke is clearer. Early in text interactions, Emoji signal that you care quite a bit. Generally in text communication you want to avoid using too many Emoji, unless you are writing something out in funny hieroglyphics.
  4. Questions? Try to avoid ending in a question on an initial text – questions are often dry. Better to send texts that don’t require a response but are fun enough that they will likely get a response, and then ask a question (like a date) after the first response.

Replies that Signal Low Effort
Lowest effort response is “k” which is short for OK. This can be powerful when someone sends a very long and explanatory text, and you want to be dismissive. It also can make you come across as a jerk, so be careful. If you receive a “k” response, well context is everything, and you should probably submit a text and have people help you figure out why.

Funnier and light hearted alternative to “k”.

Another low effort response can be “…” to indicate you want someone to continue talking, or as a prompt.

Short And Sweet

In line with effortless (or as little effort as possible), you wan’t your texts to be as short as possible.

A fast way to do this is to remove filler words and “explainers” like “just” or “I was thinking we should maybe” and words that don’t sound confident. You don’t run much risk of being direct and clear, and to avoid coming across as demanding or inflexible, you can add “How about we” or “What if we” which are leading and somewhat positive/suggestive phrases that take the commanding edge off of a message.

GIFs can be funny, but use sparingly.

You may find some GIFs that make you laugh and are winners to send as messages. Harry Potter, The Office, Friends are all classic TV series that many girls have seen, and can often be used with great comedic effect. Giphy is a website that allows you to search for GIF images, and also is an app for most phones. But remember, too much of a good thing is try hard. Two GIFs in a row is too much.

If you like to send a lot of GIFs, challenge someone to a GIF battle, and then send to your hearts content. Being a guy who only sends GIFs means you don’t have a lot to say. Girls can enjoy receiving GIFs and attention, but sending this one amazing funny GIF is unlikely to increase your chances of getting her out on a date.

Double Texting is sending a second text after a previous text. In rare cases, it can be appropriate, but most of the time you should just send a single text and let it stand. And this is really a guideline, there is some art and science here, sometimes two texts back to back are going to read/look better than a single text. However, when you receive a double text, it may mean you have gotten some emotional engagement.

Message Length of Responses

Generally you want your texts to be 1-2 lines on the screen, and as short as possible. One good approximation (while competing for who can put in the least perceived effort in texting) is how many lines a girl writes compared to how many lines you are writing. If she writes 2 lines, you can write 2 lines, if she writes 3 lines, you should try and write 2 lines, but maybe could go up to 3, if you really need to. At a high level, if you scroll across the messages, and your text boxes are bigger than hers, then it looks like you are putting in more effort – regardless of what you are saying or talking about, anyone looking at it without reading it might also conclude that you are putting in more effort than she is.

Message Timing of Responses

When to reply? Usually take at least a few minutes. If you have a real zinger, it will still be funny after a few minutes, you don’t have to send it immediately. Stepping back, you may want to look at how long she took to reply – if she took days, you might take at least a few hours, if not a half a day. If she took hours, maybe 1-2 hours. If she’s replying every 5 minutes, then you can reply every 5-30 minutes. It’s OK to reply a little bit faster, especially if you are trying to get her out on a date.

How To Ask Her Out Over Text

So this is an important one…

You want to ask a girl out over text when she will respond. The best time to ask her out is when the phone is in her hand and she is responding to you.

What frequently happens is that you ask a girl out, and even though she was responding within 1 minute of each of your previous messages, she suddenly takes hours to get back to you. Modern girls have a phone in their hand or within arms reach at any given moment, so she definitely knows you asked her out. I wish I knew why – but there are many possible chaotic reasons for this. Just know that it happens to the best of us, it’s normal, and expect a delayed response as she figures out how she feels or her schedule or whatever else might be going on that you can’t possibly know about or control.

Much like a resume is to help you land a job interview, texting is to help you get a date. Your job is NOT to become her text buddy, but to remind her that you’re a fun guy and then ask her on the date and have her say yes.

A good strategy is to warm up the conversation so she is feeling good about you when you ask her out. A positive mood, an image from your day, or a voice note can all be used to send some vibe and remind her why she likes you before asking her out. A few back and forth messages 2-3 messages before starting to ask for the date is a good guideline. Being too blunt or too direct is often a turn off for girls.

Here is an example:

Why not just ask directly?

It’s actually pretty complicated to ask someone out. A strange ritual.

“Hey, do you want to go out sometime?”

Just asking a girl out can create more questions. If a girl likes you, she will probably say “yes” but then immediately wonder what she is getting herself into and maybe the girl will say yes, and then change her mind and not come out after all. Usually the who? is obvious, but what? where? and especially when? can complicate things.

You want to provide some structure and allow for some flexibility.

In the modern world people are often busy, so when becomes the most important question:

On the spot:

“What are you doing right now?” “I’m going to go to ______ at 5, come join”

The strategy of 2 offers (both equally good for you) often credited to Japanese negotiators:

“Is Tuesday or Wednesday better for you?”

“How about Tuesday at 3PM or 5PM at _______?”

An advanced move is to give 3 options, well suited to busy girls, with the nearest option being most specific and the option furthest into the future being the most generic. “Let’s meet today from 6-8pm, tomorrow after 2pm or one day early next week”.

Catch-All: “What’s your schedule like in the next few days?” or “What’s your schedule like in the next week?”

What? What is a good choice for a first date? A second date? A third date? This is going to vary widely, but somewhere someone is giving bad advice of “dinner and a movie.” This is actually terrible advice, it might have worked in America in 1950, but it is very likely to be expensive, boring and ineffective in the present day. The purpose of the first date is to get to know each other and since neither one of you has invested much in it, so it should ideally be something inexpensive. Coffee dates can be a little dry (especially if you go on a lot of them – as most women and some men do), so while you can get a coffee (or tea, chai, matcha, latte, smoothie, ice cream, soda, etc.) and just sit across from one another in a faux italian cafe, you can also mix it up, and if it is light out, you could go for a walk in a park near the cafe, or around a shopping mall if it is dark outside or during winter. Instead of a coffee date, people can “meet for drinks” and this is pretty common in big cities and college campuses after people turn 21. It is a red flag if someone wants to go out to an expensive dinner for a first date – it can indicate an imbalance in the investment of either side – one side wants to impress the other, and the other side doesn’t care much for the other but wants to get something nice out of it. Shouldn’t be a big deal if you’re both there for the right reasons.

For second and third dates, you will want to do something more than coffee. Some people might take this to mean “meet for drinks.” In parts of Europe people will invite the other one over to cook. Some people do simple picnics with a snack (not an all out meal), a hike, ice skating, roller skating, biking, boating, visiting a museum, going to a dog park, maybe watching a movie together, some people might go out for lunch or dinner (or even breakfast). Most commonly people go out to dinner. Again, this should be reasonable, and depending on your budget could be as simple as fast food, or it could be something a little fancier, but think like an interesting ethnic restaurant (Thai, Indian, Chinese, or a diner) rather than a $$$$ French restaurant.

Where? If you are in a country where people have to drive or take public transport to meet, where can often be complicated. You want to pick a public place, with easy parking or public transport access. You can meet first and then walk to the place together. This protects someone from being stood up and awkwardly waiting inside.

There is some clever guy somewhere on the Internet that tells people to meet close to his place but claim it is halfway. That is pretty shortsighted, as if you like a girl and she discovers this later (especially if you have a great date) it could backfire. Maybe you can recover by agreeing to “meet her halfway” and go to a place near her for the second date, but more than likely you’re just shooting yourself in the foot. Be honest!

Handling Responses

Often, if a girl wants to go on a date with you, but has a genuine conflict, she will make an effort to let you know an alternate time.

Some girls (OK, some people) are just busy, some work all the time, some have travel difficulties, complicated living situations, money troubles, some people get sick, some are just plain bad at time management and you may have to be patient.

Girls “fall asleep” and “don’t see their phone” and have many other chaotic reasons for why their schedules are the way they are (so do men – but it is notably rarer). So you should be prepared for the possibility that after a date request your message is either unread, left on read, not responded to for days. This happens, and you have to be ready for that. If she likes you, she will respond.

Confirming The Date

So because sometimes work schedules change, people get sick, forget, fall asleep, etc. It is good practice to confirm the date is still on when the day of the date arrives. Usually a “Good weather today, see you at 7” sent at least a few hours before you are supposed to meet is good enough, for an evening date, sending a confirmation message between 12PM and 2PM good. Don’t over think this. Sometimes it can save you some trouble, and you just restart the process of asking her out, as shown above in the first and last conversation images.

Cancellations and No Shows

If she agrees to a date and then cancels, or doesn’t show and doesn’t say anything, give her a chance to explain herself. Give her the benefit of the doubt (the first time). A wise man once said that “how it starts is how it goes” so while that is not a great start, give people a second chance. Should you give people a third chance? That exercise is left up to the reader, and you can submit a text or you can leave a comment below.